{sigh}

There are really no words that can express the sadness I feel for the people who have been affected by the tornadoes that have swept through Alabama. Knowing that my fellow nurses are on the front lines caring for people who have been injured, lost family members, or are sitting vigil by their loved ones makes me feel better, but just so sad for everyone involved. My heart just breaks to hear some of the personal stories of tragedy and hope. But I know that my God is good, and that with His help we can overcome the greatest tragedies we face here on Earth. It also reminds me of what is important.

Dave and I are hoping and praying for some miracles right now, not only for our family but for the families around us. We have so much to be thankful for, but there are still so many needs to be met.

Moving slowly

We're moving through the process, slowly it seems to me. I just wish I was to the end and knew what was going to happen! I think the waiting is the hardest part for me. We're still in need of raising money for the adoption, so if you feel led, please donate! We are having a yard/bake sale at our home May 7th if you'd like to donate items or baked goods or would like to help out! Of course all prayers are helpful to us. This has just been SO far out of our comfort zone that I have been on my knees much more than usual. I have no doubt about adopting, but am definitely having more doubts about the days leading up to completion. Just pray for us that God's will would be done in every aspect of our lives. Thanks!

Trying not to cry

So I began reading Adoption Parenting by Jean McLeod and Sheena Macrae (Eds) yesterday. It's so sad for me to think about parenting from loss. I cannot even imagine the feelings and emotions that these children will have, what their outlook will be, and what baggage they will have. It's kind of funny because in Sunday school this past week we discussed rejection by your family and God's redemption that comes along with His overarching will for our lives. The story of Joseph is a wonderful story of rejection and redemption, and mercy. I am not worried about the things that will come as a part of living with that rejection, but I am so sad that my children will have that as a part of their lives. I am so sad that even now as I wait for all the paperwork to get done they are sitting somewhere, not knowing us or what's going to happen to them, and dealing with things I can't even imagine. I wish I could hold them in my arms now and tell them everything will be fine, but I don't know what's going to happen either! One thing that stood out to me is that there are no guarantees in parenting either biological or adopted children. No one is guaranteed a perfect baby or a healthy baby or a happy life. But we are guaranteed a perfect God who can see us through all things, and who loves us more than we can ask or imagine. My heart weeps for these children! Please keep our family in your prayers. We're dealing with some things as a family right now as well. Please just pray for God's provision, healing, and peace.

Home Study Part 2

Dave and I had another home study visit yesterday, which was hilarious. We had to talk about how we met, our first date, what we liked about each other, and how we show the other we love them. It's kind of funny, but I was blushing a bit. We had to discuss how we argue, how we make decisions, and what we normally fight about. I am always kind of embarrassed to tell people that we handle most things together including grocery shopping, laundry, and paying bills. It doesn't seem to be the norm. We also have some things to think about: What characteristics do we want in a child, and which ones would be unacceptable? What are we willing to take on? It's so hard for me to answer those types of questions, but they're definitely valid. We have a lot of homework to do before the next visit, including reading 2 books on attachment and connectedness in adoption. I think they're going to be difficult for me to read.

The Home Study

Yesterday Dave and I had one of our home study interviews. It's kind of brutal! I was laughing today about the questions they ask you that no one asks when you're pregnant and having your own child. I think that part of this process for me is really just a realization of the grace and mercy of God that has been extended to me. I just really felt like I had a lot of guilt left, and now I can fully give it over. A friend of mine reminded me today that this is God's adoption, and He is in control. Thanks!!!