Today

So today we went from Kiev down to a town 1 hour west of Odesa on the Black Sea called Bilhorod-Dnistrovsky. It's kind of a weird place... there are probably more loose dogs than people. The dogs sleep on the side walk, and I can't help but be worried about them now because it's so cold and it started snowing... Anyway, we went to see the Assistant Adoption Inspector when we got here, and she interviewed us about why we chose to adopt from Ukraine, and how we would love another child. We then went to the orphanage and met with the director and met the child we were referred for. He was so sweet, but seemed very shy. I'm sure being "in the principal's office" had something to do with it. I am telling you though, that this is a world away from Kiev down here. I am not sure what to expect, and our facilitator is going to try and find some things out. Prayer requests at this time:

1) Pray for quickness and smoothness. There are a lot of underlying issues down here apparently...

2) that we can bond with him over the next couple days.

3) that we will have our court date within the next couple weeks. This is important for us to complete this on time.

4) for the separation from the children... I am really having a difficult time. Especially today. I miss my girls so much, and I really feel like I can't stand this... I don't know how to handle being so far from my girls.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support! Love you all!

Well, we're here!

We made it back to Kiev, and the appointment at the SDA didn't go as we had wanted. Today we received our referral for an 8 year old boy who lives an hour west of Odessa, or about 6 hours from here. So tomorrow we travel down there and see what happens! Will keep everyone updated!

Prayer requests at this time:

1) That the trip and first meeting with the orphanage director and child go well and smoothly.

2) That whatever happens it goes quickly-- we've been told that this area may be more difficult or expensive.

3) Bonding, safety, travel mercies, and finding a place we can stay with internet.

Thanks for all your support!

Is there anything more precious?

The past few days have been really hard, and I wish I could share more with everyone. Once we get back to Kiev, we should be able to know more and be able to tell you more specifically what to pray for. But in the meantime, just pray that the Lord will do something BIG! This morning as I was reading my devotional, I read the verse in Matthew 19:26 "Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible". So I am holding on to that right now.

On the other hand, we've had some of the sweetest family moments over the past few days. There is much less anxiety on my part and Addie's part in terms of the separation and travel. She's always been a very affectionate child with me, but she just hugs me all the time, and wants to be near me more. Like she's stocking up, although I know she'll be hugged and kissed to her heart's content with my mom and sister as well. She's also taken to reading aloud at night the stories from her Jesus Storybook Bible. I think that she's understanding some that even things that happened long before Jesus was born point to him. And she's understanding that she, and everyone else, are lovely because God loves them. That's something for a child who is constantly comparing herself to everyone else ("I'm too short, I'm too chubby, I can't draw")... It's just precious to be able to share that with her. I just hope she can hold onto it.

So for now I will ask that you pray for us in:

1) Safe and timely travel to Kiev. We go straight from the airport to our SDA appointment.

2) For wisdom, discernment, peace, and guidance.

3) that the time away from our children will be peaceful, no sicknesses, problems, etc.

4) That God will miraculously provide for us in this situation. We know that all things are possible with God.

5) That no matter what, we can bring glory to God. It's hard to ask for prayers for that, because I just want everything to work out the way I want it to.

6) That our marriage can be strengthened during this process. I have heard so many people talk about adoption tearing families apart. So far this has been a hard time, but I think that in some respects we're being tested to see what we're made of. Are we strong enough to pass the test? I sure hope so!!

Thank you so much for all of your support for us! Please let us know if there is anything we can do for any of you who read this blog. We both feel that having the support of family and friends really makes all the difference in the world. Without you this would have been a much harder journey.

This is one of the hardest things I have ever done

I will leave it at that for now. I don't even know where to begin, what to feel, or how to feel it.

I guess I just miss my boy

So yesterday I just started crying, heartily and jaggedly, on the way to Wal-Mart. I cried as I prayed for Asher, as I prayed for Zoë and Addie, and as I prayed that our luggage would make it again (I know I know). My heart just feels torn into a million pieces. As I have been reading about some friends' adoption from Ukraine (this is the couple we met our first week in Kiev), my heart longs even more to be there with our son. I have moments of anxiety that somehow we won't be able to adopt him when we return, or that something will happen. But I have to keep remembering the feeling I had when we were with him. Like he was already ours. Like the hand of God was on us and on him. Dave says it best when he just says "we need to go get our boy".

I just have that war within myself... all the "what ifs". But no matter what, God is still God, and He is still good. I have been talking with Zoë and Addie about how God protects us, and how we don't have to be afraid. It's a good lesson for me. While I was reading my devotional the other day, it said something to the effect that yes, we will have troubles in this world. But Jesus overcame the world. So why should we be afraid? Why should we be anxious? In preparing for our last week home before returning, I am trying to prepare my heart for whatever may come. We're in this together, and thank each of you for supporting and praying for us. It means a lot to have people who care about us to lift us up.

The Way I See the World

Is, quite frankly, weird. I was driving home from the gym today, thinking about and praying for my children, and I started thinking about skin grafts. When Dave was treated for skin cancer, the area they had to remove was so big that it required a graft. They used his own skin, and even so, it didn't look quite right at first, but now, you can barely see the scar unless you know it's there. Even though the body accepted it as it's own, there were bruises and scarring until it fully healed. I guess I felt like it was sort of an analogy for adoption. Now the graft is so firmly taken that it's like any other part of his skin, but at first it was a little painful and a little different. I know my son will come with scars. Emotional scars because of what he's been through in his short life. But in a few years, I hope that he is completely a part of us and we are completely a part of him. I love him already... and it hurts that we're not together. But I am looking forward to those days, when this part is past, and we're a whole family.

While we are home

Well, it's been weird to be honest. I don't feel like I can concentrate on anything other than spending time with the girls and preparing my heart to go back to Ukraine. I just keep thinking about what's going on with him. Does he know we're coming back? How does he feel about being adopted? How does he feel about being adopted by us? And of course, what's going to happen when we go back?

Prayer requests at this time:
1) Peace about where we are now and what will happen. For the most part I feel very at peace, but sometimes you get those unwelcome thoughts.

2) For Zoë and Addie- that they can be prepared for our separation again, for health and well-being, and for safe and timely travel to Ukraine.

3) For safe and timely travel for Dave and I. We head back on February 26th... Once again having to be at the airport at 4:30 AM.

4) For our appointmet- that we can have our SDA appointment the day we get there (Feb 27th), and get things rolling as soon as possible.

5) That the things that happen there would bring glory to God. I pray for things to happen so smoothly and efficiently that everyone is surprised. I pray that our hearts and lives can be a testimony of grace to the people around us.

6) That the extra money we've had to spend for a week there and extra travel will be easily replaced.

Thank everyone again for all your support. I know that the Lord gives, and gives in abundance when we ask and give of ourselves.