Latest Update

Friday night we got an email stating that our facilitator had filed the necessary paperwork to ensure that we were covered until the proceedings with the birth mother were finalized. In the same email we also were told that the court date is no longer this Wednesday, but some time in May. We are going to try and speak to our social worker today, and see if we can find anything else out. Of course, this is not all that unexpected for this country and this region, but it was hard to take nonetheless.

Just thinking about things... AGAIN!

"Adoption in God’s mind was not Plan B. He predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was not lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning." John Piper.

This quote was on the facebook page of our adoption agency this morning. I really felt like it summed up what my heart was feeling. A lot of times when we tell people we're adopting they look at us with a sad face and say "aww, you can't have any more kids?". And while that may be true, it doesn't negate the fact that we want to adopt for other reasons as well. Why is that? Well, that brings me to another point. Lately I have been so fed up with feeling like people (myself included) are looking for their identity in things other than God. Like their whole being is wrapped up in what they do for their job, how many kids they have and how they had them, how they choose to raise their kids, who their favorite sports team is, what their gifts or abilities are, what they look like, what kind of car or home they have... and the list goes on and on. And while none of those things may be inherently bad, they make terrible gods. And while I love my children (the ones I have and the ones I don't), my husband, my job, and my friends and family, I love God more. And whatever He tells me to do, I want to do. I pray that I can be obedient, and that I can do what He asks with a cheerful heart, which is something I struggle with a lot (this doesn't surprise anyone that knows me). But anyway, I think that God has given me all of the things I listed above to glorify Him. Not to glorify me. He's given our family a heart for adoption because God has a heart for adoption. God loves His children. He loves them how they are, and He loves me how I am. I think some bitterness was trying to creep in, thinking about AS and how all of this has gone. But as I was praying today, I realized that even if for some reason this adoption doesn't work out, I still had those precious weeks with him. In my heart he will always be my son. I got to love him for a few hours a day. And even if God never gives me another child, I will choose to love Him, because He is good, and He loves me. I will set my heart on sowing into the fields of eternity, rather than what's here on Earth.

Phew. And now that I've said that, just pray for us. Some days are better than others, and while I know we get to be here in our comfortable place and AS isn't with us, sometimes I miss being in that awful place just because it's nearer to him. I'm just struggling with thinking about the things we will be doing over the next few months. I can share specifics with people in person, rather than on here because some is more personal than others. But thanks for sharing this journey with us, and praying alongside us.

Happy Easter!

Today as we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior and King, I've been almost despairing that our family isn't complete. I was lying in bed this morning when Dave got up to head to church, and thinking to myself, that while I know that all things are possible with God, and that He is in control of everything, I am still struggling with selfishly wishing our boy was home and this was all over. Was I completely obedient? I keep struggling with just wanting this process to be over, and not wanting to continue struggling and hurting right now. I was thinking back to times when I felt completely at peace and happy with life and everything going on. But then I realized, that during those times that things were easy, my life probably didn't glorify God the way He wanted it to. We sing songs about being a living sacrifice, or bringing me anything that brings Him glory, but I don't know that I meant it. And now, it seems so stupid... so stupid to worry about things that in the long run don't make any difference. I'm so joyful that I have hope for my future, and eternity, but I wonder about AS's. If he doesn't come home with us, will he ever know a better life? Will he ever hear the truth? Will he ever know unconditional love? I just pray that we have the strength to endure whatever we must over the next few months. I know that strength comes from God, since I would rather just shut down. But we can't give up on Him, and we can't give up on AS.

Update

We just got word that the birth mother's court is scheduled for April 25. I don't think we will find out any other information before that day, but we should know the outcome of her case that day. We need to pray that her court date doesn't get rescheduled and that everything is resolved in one court session. Assuming she fails to get her parental rights back, we will probably be heading back to Ukraine about a week or two after that. For now, all we can do is wait and pray.

In the meantime...

We just wanted to let everyone know that at this time we're still waiting. Hoping that we will get word soon about what we need to do. We're waiting on S to get in touch with us (our facilitator), and we're going to speak with our social worker tomorrow. This time is very difficult for us. There's a feeling of loss, grief, and a touch of panic when we realize at times that our boy isn't with us. We don't know what's happening to him, what he understands, and what the people near him are telling him. We've heard time and again that we're trying to adopt from the worst region in Ukraine. We're wondering how this will ever be finished. But we know that God is still God. He's still good. And all things are possible with Him. So when it seems hopeless, we have hope. And when we are sad, we have joy. I just pray that we can get back there soon. I pray that AS's spirit will not be hurt from this separation, and he won't reject us when we get back to him. I keep dreaming that I see him, and hold him and tell him how much I miss him. It's so difficult to explain the range of emotions we are all experiencing. Once we know something we'll post it here first!