Happy Easter!

Today as we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior and King, I've been almost despairing that our family isn't complete. I was lying in bed this morning when Dave got up to head to church, and thinking to myself, that while I know that all things are possible with God, and that He is in control of everything, I am still struggling with selfishly wishing our boy was home and this was all over. Was I completely obedient? I keep struggling with just wanting this process to be over, and not wanting to continue struggling and hurting right now. I was thinking back to times when I felt completely at peace and happy with life and everything going on. But then I realized, that during those times that things were easy, my life probably didn't glorify God the way He wanted it to. We sing songs about being a living sacrifice, or bringing me anything that brings Him glory, but I don't know that I meant it. And now, it seems so stupid... so stupid to worry about things that in the long run don't make any difference. I'm so joyful that I have hope for my future, and eternity, but I wonder about AS's. If he doesn't come home with us, will he ever know a better life? Will he ever hear the truth? Will he ever know unconditional love? I just pray that we have the strength to endure whatever we must over the next few months. I know that strength comes from God, since I would rather just shut down. But we can't give up on Him, and we can't give up on AS.