Just thinking about things... AGAIN!

"Adoption in God’s mind was not Plan B. He predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was not lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning." John Piper.

This quote was on the facebook page of our adoption agency this morning. I really felt like it summed up what my heart was feeling. A lot of times when we tell people we're adopting they look at us with a sad face and say "aww, you can't have any more kids?". And while that may be true, it doesn't negate the fact that we want to adopt for other reasons as well. Why is that? Well, that brings me to another point. Lately I have been so fed up with feeling like people (myself included) are looking for their identity in things other than God. Like their whole being is wrapped up in what they do for their job, how many kids they have and how they had them, how they choose to raise their kids, who their favorite sports team is, what their gifts or abilities are, what they look like, what kind of car or home they have... and the list goes on and on. And while none of those things may be inherently bad, they make terrible gods. And while I love my children (the ones I have and the ones I don't), my husband, my job, and my friends and family, I love God more. And whatever He tells me to do, I want to do. I pray that I can be obedient, and that I can do what He asks with a cheerful heart, which is something I struggle with a lot (this doesn't surprise anyone that knows me). But anyway, I think that God has given me all of the things I listed above to glorify Him. Not to glorify me. He's given our family a heart for adoption because God has a heart for adoption. God loves His children. He loves them how they are, and He loves me how I am. I think some bitterness was trying to creep in, thinking about AS and how all of this has gone. But as I was praying today, I realized that even if for some reason this adoption doesn't work out, I still had those precious weeks with him. In my heart he will always be my son. I got to love him for a few hours a day. And even if God never gives me another child, I will choose to love Him, because He is good, and He loves me. I will set my heart on sowing into the fields of eternity, rather than what's here on Earth.

Phew. And now that I've said that, just pray for us. Some days are better than others, and while I know we get to be here in our comfortable place and AS isn't with us, sometimes I miss being in that awful place just because it's nearer to him. I'm just struggling with thinking about the things we will be doing over the next few months. I can share specifics with people in person, rather than on here because some is more personal than others. But thanks for sharing this journey with us, and praying alongside us.