Since we are home now, we thought we should give everyone a summary of everything that has happened and where we stand now. It's difficult to talk about, and I just have the desire to not talk about it, though I know this is probably not the way to cope. A few days before we left, we got word that another family had gotten a referral for the boy we were trying to adopt. This sort of thing happens in Ukraine often now, because of a recent change, they can't hold a child for a particular family and seem to prefer not to. There was nothing we could do except pray that this other family didn't bond with the boy. When we got here, we found out they hadn't necessarily bonded, but were going to stop at nothing to try to adopt him. We were heartbroken but had no choice but to try to proceed with our appointment at the SDA and try to find another child to adopt. We went to the SDA that day and got a referral for an 8 year old boy in the Odessa region (Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi, to be exact). After accepting our referral the next day, we drove the 6 hours here with our facilitator.
Bilhorod was very different from Kiev. Kiev is a much more modern and much more populated city that is much like other cities in Europe. Bilhorod is very small, old, and poor. It is also one of the 10 oldest cities in Europe (and the world) - over 2,500 years old (I think the streets and sidewalks must be some of the oldest in Europe - they are in terrible shape). No one spoke English other than our translator (and one guy who sold tea at the grocery store). In Kiev, many people speak at least a little bit of English since they get many tourists there. We couldn't really do anything here without our translator. After a while we discovered some things within walking distance, but there really wasn't much happening there. Luckily, we did find the cleanest hotel I have seen in Ukraine (until we stayed at the Hyatt Regency in Kiev), and the manager and staff were very nice, but spoke no English. Things in the Bilhorod legal system move much more slowly than in the larger cities, and there seems to be more corruption. This is supposedly a tourist town in the summer since it is on the Black Sea, but it didn't seem very touristy to us. Most of the tourists must go to the larger city of Odessa.
After spending a few days with the boy, we found out that his mother made an appearance and said she was going to file a petition to stop the adoption. She had her parental rights revoked over 2 years ago. From what we've heard she is still an alcoholic and doesn't have any electricity in her apartment (she is US $2250 behind on her electric bill). Our facilitator thought this wasn't the mother's idea, but another facilitator might be behind it (another American family was planning on adopting this boy, but we were handed his referral. They were in the same boat we were in before) We told our facilitator that we felt bad about "taking" another family's child. He said even if we didn't adopt him, the SDA would very likely give his referral to another family before this American family could get to Ukraine (they had hosted him in America last summer, although recently we were told that he didn't want to be adopted by that family). The other facilitator was just trying to scare us. It almost worked, we were very upset However, we continued to meet daily with and bond with our boy. He became more and more comfortable with us, and would request special snacks that he liked. We spent time playing outside, drawing, learning English, and his favorite thing, playing on Dave's tablet.
Our kids came over after we'd been there for 3 weeks, and fell instantly in love with him. They just seemed like 3 little peas in a pod. The second day they were there however, we found out that the mother appealed, and they cut short the visit in the afternoon. We had no legal right to visit with him any further until we received a favorable conclusion, pending the results of the mother's appeal that she filed that day. We're unsure of the exact time frame, but it could take a month for the court to declare whether she is fit or unfit to be his mother. During that time, we would be unable to spend any time with the boy, so we made the decision to come home. If she doesn't get her parental rights back, she cannot file another appeal for 18 months and everything should go smoothly after that.
The legal system is also very corrupt here. Our facilitator is having to "give gifts" to several people, including the orphanage director and the adoption inspector. He is having to make use of his "connections" to get in good words with the lawyer and judge for us. If you don't use one of their lawyers, they will make it more difficult for you to adopt. There was an Italian family (husband and wife) in our hotel that was been here since December waiting for his court date because he wouldn't hire their lawyer. He finally had his court a couple of weeks ago. Everything went fine in court, but the prosecutor appealed his adoption the last day (actually the last 15 minutes) of his 10 day waiting period. Now he is stuck, and has to fight through the courts again. Apparently you have to "gift" the prosecutor to actually complete an adoption. We will hire a lawyer to try to get this done as quickly as possible.
The most difficult thing is that as an adoptive parent, we've had to just jump in with our whole hearts with each child. We can't hold back with love or emotion, though self-preservation tries to kick in. We're just trying to stay positive... but the hardest thing about this is how hard it must be for him. He told us over and over again that he wanted to be part of our family. We told him we were going to bring him home (as did the orphanage director and our translator), and we will keep trying as long as we're able to. We can't give up on him, though it just seems cruel that he doesn't get to see us during this time, or really know what's going on. For a child who has been taken from his birth family and placed in an orphanage, I know that trust is a big thing. But we know that despite the difficulties we're having, God is still God, even in Bilhorod, and He is still good.
Thanks so much to everyone for your support. At this time, we can use prayers for:
1) Finalizing this whole process in a timely manner, which seems IMPOSSIBLE, I know.
2) For our boy. For understanding of the situation, and that we're trying to do everything we can.
3) For ease of traveling back, and for timing.
4) For our finances, that we can recoup some of the money we have spent, since we're not sure how much more we'll need for going back. We've spent around $4,000 and we will probably need at least that much more (more if we have to come up with money for "gifts").
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